Ogopogo

Originally published in The Manitoban, March 30, 2011 (April Fool's special edition)

In British Columbia they have a lot of lakes. The one you should be most concerned with is Lake Okanagan, the home of Ogopogo. Formally recognized by a prominent B.C. scientist in 1872, Ogopogo is a charming aquatic serpent some 20 to 50 feet long and 1 to 3 feet wide with a gruesome horse-shaped head. This serpent-like animal has a long, undulating body with many large spinous processes. These might have evolved to serve as extra sites of muscle attachment for flexion of the long trunk, which would require significant strength to turn quickly in such a viscous medium as water. Ogopogo has dark brown, black, or blue skin and uses counter-shading similar to many fish and other aquatic species. Counter shading is characterized by a lighter epidermal (skin) colouration on the underside of the body and a darker pigmentation on the dorsal surface. This functions to camouflage the animal because, when viewed from above, the dark skin blends in with the dark, deeper waters and when viewed from below, the light skin blends in with the lighter colour of the shallower waters that can be penetrated by the sun’s rays.
Ogopogo is respectfully known to the Aboriginal peoples of the Okanagan area as “N’ha-a-tik”, which roughly translates to “water god” or “water demon”. Those who have encountered this fearsome and secretive animal report escaping near death by boat tippings and general goring by the sacrifice of any other animal they might have with them at the time. 
So let it be known that Ogopogo takes bribes, folks and that is definitely good news for humanity, but bad news for designer dogs going on vacation to “Beautiful British Columbia” this summer.
Ogopogo is still seen today, but less frequently than in the past. This may be due to the animal’s reported penchant for eating horses, which are no longer a popular mode of transportation and hence are less common in the Okanagan region in these technologically advanced times. Of course, environmental factors other than food availability may be playing a role in Ogopogo’s apparent decline. The ever-bearing crush of human development may be partly responsible, as well as nutrient loading and water pollution. 
While the exact reasons for Ogopogo’s decline are not yet known, this beautiful monster’s conservation status is, at least for the time being, quite certain. Ogopogo is protected under provincial legislation and has been so since 1989, “It is illegal to harm, kill, capture or disturb” Ogopogo in British Columbia.


Copyright Edward Fletcher




http://www.bcscc.ca/ogopogo.htm
(this website rules! So does the site “fuck you, penguin” check it out)

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